A Pre-Deployment Conversation with God

"I just don't want to do this," I remember whispering to my husband the night before he set out on his final deployment with our current command.

"I just don't want to have to do any of it.  I don't want to have to do it all and have to smile through it all...alone."

I know he felt helpless as I cried into his shoulder just hours before he was faced with leaving.  He was a man torn apart:  the brain that was reminding him of his commitment to his country, and the heart that was reminding him of the family left behind.

As my husband held on to me through my tears (well, sobs), I heard that soft whisper from God that begged of my attention.

"Sure, you don't want to face all that comes with this deployment, but let me remind you of the things you don't want to miss."

And as I begged for time to slow down, I also prayed for God to show me all the things that He knew I didn't want to miss.  By the time my alarm clock went off reminding me of the day ahead, the answers from God were ringing in my ears.

*Homecomings.  Only military wives get to experience those feelings.  Sure, you spend a lot of time alone, but that moment that you see him after a long deployment?  You don't want to miss that for the world.

*The National Anthem.  You cry every time you hear it.  Why?  Because you're filled with pride.  Not everyone recognizes the importance of that song, but you do because you have first hand experience.  You don't want to miss hearing that the way I intended for you to.

*Emails, letters, and Facebook posts.  There's something special about the communication that takes place when your husband is gone.  The closeness you feel is like nothing else.  Remember that?  You don't want to miss that feeling.

*Fly-overs.  Even though he's not a pilot, watching a military plane fly over you brings you chills and tears.  It's like a small connection to your husband.  You don't want to miss those.

*Relationships with other military wives.  You may not get to spend that much time with them, but these women are your kindred spirits.  They understand everything you face in ways that only military wives can.  You don't want to miss the opportunities I've provided to add them to your support list.

*Strength.  Do you know how many people look up to you because of your strength?  You wouldn't have that if you weren't in this position.  You don't want to miss the chance to be a mentor.

*A stronger relationship with God.  Times like these allow me to be even closer to you.  You rely on me and look to me for guidance every second.  You don't want to miss where I'm taking you.

At the end of this "conversation" with God, I felt so much better about the deployment.  I still feel anxious at the thought of having to do so much on my own, but I know that God wouldn't have me here if I wasn't meant to be.  And I know that He'll provide me with all the strength, energy, and patience I need to get through it.

I miss my husband more than words could ever describe, but the things that God showed me?  Well, I wouldn't EVER want to miss those because now I realize that they're gifts from Him.  Gentle reminders that He's with me every step of the way.